Name: Avani V. Banker

Email: mistygrey143@yahoo.comcomments:

Daddy tonight I heard sangifois song divo and it made me cry an miss my kamuba... I wanted to call u but it was late at night.. so I just wrote whatever I felt... its not good writing.. I wrote it very fast while I was cryingggggggg and then when the more I wrote the less I was crying... it made me feel good when I wrote my feelings on paper... then I realized I never wrote anything for her guest book... maybe you can enter this for me.. just add below.. to the guest book... I love you.. bye

it was tuesday march 15, 2005 around 730pm

I was at the back of the school talking to sangita - we were both waiting for the shuttle bus to take us to the "E" train....before the shuttle came I got a call from my dad... he was sick.. so I thought that could be the reason for his low sad scratchy voice..he said to me avani beta tu kya choo? and I said im coming home now... beta jaldi aye kamuba gaya... it took me a few seconds to register what he just said to me.. I said kamuba kya gaya? he just said kamuba gaya and started crying and just said jaldi aye... I didnt cry... I didnt cry I was strong.. until the shuttle pulled up... and thats when I broke down...heavy painfull waterfallssss started falling down my face... I grabbed sangita and I held her as tight as I could and cried my eyes out.. and then got on the busss... I tried to hold it in... but it felt like a volcano fighting my face... everytime I held it in I let it out... my eyes were red and pink.. my face was swollen... the bus stopped... I didnt get on the train.. I couldn't... I called my job to tell them I wasn't coming in the next day and my assistant director came (calvin) took me and sangita home.. I didnt talk - I cried all the way home.... they didn't try to say anything to me.. they couldn't it wasn't going to help.. on the ride home I was thinking about where she will be when I went home.. I thought she would be laying on the sofa where she liked to sleep...and everyone would be around her.. maybe if I touched her head she would wake up... I thought but I knew she wouldn't... I was torn apart... she was the cuteness and sweetness in our family... she was always feeding everyone with love and making sure everyone was covered with a blankie at night. kamuba was the sweetest grandmother I know... she had a big heart for everyone... even people she met for the first time. when I got home everyone was there...everyone from the mandir that my parents go to... my brothers, some of his friends... and people kept coming.. my cousins were there.. my neighbors....so many people came in left at that time and for the next few weeks... my kamuba was on the floor with her salo, kanti in her neck, her brown blouse that she wore in the cold... and she was covered... everytime my dad would life the white cover over her head it made me cry. I sort of didnt want him to lift it up because it made me feel like she was resting and not in pain.. I dont know if she felt any pain and or for how long... kamuba always said she never liked hospitals or never wanted anyone to take care of her... she always said when she goes she wants to go healthy...and in good health.. she was fine she was in great health.. the day before she made baji na debra and fed everyone that morning she made breakfast for suvin... debro and chai... I spoke to her at 8am that morning on tuesday.. I was finishing up school work before I started work at 930am.. I was in adelines office finishing up something for class...I called her and it ended with I love you.. you know how she says I low you... I am happy those were the last things she said to me... and now that I think about it.. I am happy about the type of death she had.. not many people have deaths like this... even if my kamuba was in pain before she passed it would have only been for a few seconds..most people suffer a lot in hospitals and or in bed.. and go through a lot... today I heard one of sangi fois songs.. it is called divo.. maybe my dad will put it up on the website and you all can hear it... that song made me cry and think of her.. I guess today everyone was thinking about kamuba and missing her.. mummy was crying remembering her running around during dinner time... even I was imitating kamuba to kokifoi.. while kokifoi was eating I gave her athanoo in a kamuba style... I said "ben ka ne".. le a joyeche.. le ne le ne...kamuba would always point to stuff and say u want this.. and her eyes would open like she was letting u in on a hot new pickle... noone should know about it.. with her smile... even if u dont want to eat it.. u will take some just because she was giving it in her cutest most adorable style.. to me it dosn't feel like kamuba is gone and I am sure I will always remember her as much as I do now...one day my dad was really sad because he was remembering kamuba and I told him to try not to remember and be sad.. be happy about the way she went.. I think he thought I meant "dont remember" but I didnt mean it in that way.. I meant to say remember the good times.. because if u cry she will not rest in peace... you must always remember the happy times so when she watches over you as bagwan... she smiles instead of worries about you... my dad said beta tu yad nai kare to pachi toda vakhat ma booli jais... they say time changes everything.. yes time can change a lot of bitter things.. or time can heel all painful bad wounds... it def does but kamuba was never bitter or bad... she will always be in our hearts, mind and soul... she was always smiling and making people happy... she always did everything she wanted to do... run around... move things... pray... watch movies while looking up and down at the tv and write stuff in her lil prayer books.. and ask questions about whats going on in the american movies and why that person is doing that... NOONE that knew kamuba will EVER forget her.. we will always miss her and love her just as much as we do know...But we have to remember good times and thank god for her non-painful... non suffering death... I even danced with my kamuba on the last new years I spend with her in my lil pink dress....and the year before that too... I got to spend a lot of time with kamuba and I am happy I got to do that... I feel like ever since Kamuba left and it rains where we are it feels as if its her drops of blessings... ashirwad for happiness and good future.....anyone that is reading this... please don't be sad and dont cry...think about her and smile... if u have to cry let it out once or twice... but don't think about her and be sad... kamuba is watching and she dosn't want to see anyone cry... it hurts her...when you miss her just close your eyes... life your right hand and put it on your heart... she is in there and that will always keep her memory alive... she isn't gone...she will always live in your heart.....so smile.... Saturday, January 28th 2006 - 03:14:14 AM